Nightmares
by Bankotsu Babeh
Summary: Axel’s used to never having anything work out for him. He’s used to being alone. But when he falls in love with Roxas, what will he do when his worst nightmare comes true?


Description: Axel's used to never having anything work out for him. He's used to being alone. But when he falls in love with Roxas, what will he do when his worst nightmare comes true?

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts : )

Nightmares

And what do you know, I was alone again. My eyes blazed as I fought back tears of rage; it nearly killed me to see Roxas walk away from me again. 'Why did the keyblade choose me? I have to know,' he says. Yeah right. Why couldn't he just be happy with his life in the Organization?

"Nobody would miss me."

_Nobody would miss me…_

_Miss me…_

---Months earlier---

"Axel?"

I looked up and broke from my daze to see that little blonde kid staring at me shyly. Xemnas had just forced this new guy into the Organization a few days ago, and I was the one assigned to teaching him about it. Just my luck. I really never cared for any of the losers in this entire castle, I sure as hell didn't want to have one attached to me like a leech. I mean come on, he was the youngest member out of all twelve of us. Well, now thirteen.

"What is it?" I asked a bit uncaringly, sending my gaze back down to the sea-salt ice cream I was eating. I glanced back at the new recruit for a moment. His eyes were so big and innocent; it actually kind of got on my nerves.

"How did you find out what your power was? Xemnas says that if I don't discover my powers soon, I'll be turned into a dusk."

I failed to hide the smirk that was crawling across my lips. He actually believed the Superior? Xemnas, of course, knew every member's power before even they awakened it, but if the Nobody could not discover their powers on their own, he rendered them useless.

I shrugged without interest and flicked the popsicle stick across the floor. "I was always in to fire when I was a Somebody. It wasn't just that I liked to burn shit down, I always felt kind of like a connection to it. So when I messed around with fire as a Nobody, I discovered that I could control it. What were you in to as a Somebody?"

Roxas' face turned a bit white when I asked him the question. What, he honestly didn't have any special connection to anything at all in his Somebody days? Even if he did live for a shorter time than the rest of us, he should have some clue about his powers, or atleast his weapon.

"I...can't remember," he mumbled, rubbing his arm embarrassingly. He stared at the suddenly interesting floor and ran a gloved hand through his odd hair, looking quite awkward.

"Huh." I shrugged again and turned around, extending my arm to create a portal. "Well, you better hurry up and remember. Or I'll be summoning _you_ through this portal, Mr. Dusk-To-Be." I laughed coldly as I slipped through the void, but not before catching a glimpse of his expression. The poor kid looked like he was about to wet his pants. He really didn't have a reason to be so nervous about all of this, but I wasn't about to ruin the fun. Without another word, I snickered to myself as I strolled down the corridors of darkness and left nothing but a swirling mist behind me.

---

"Hey Axel, look!"

Roxas came running towards me proudly, key blade in hand. His smile beamed and his eyes shimmered with delight. "Look, I finally summoned my weapon! Isn't it cool?"

I sighed and nodded my head briefly to let him know that I was alive. My eyes scanned over the magazine in front of me. Wow, wasn't Hugh Hefner a little old to be a pimp? Turning the page, I wondered why Roxas had even taken this strange liking towards me. I acted less friendly as I could towards the kid, and yet he still clung to me like a parasite.

"I wonder what it does," the blonde whispered to himself as he swung the key in midair. After a few minutes, the sound of swooshing wind got on my nerves and I finally kicked the ugly blade out of his hand.

"It's not going to shoot lasers or something, kid. Just chill, you'll figure out your powers eventually…Or not."

Roxas frowned while the key blade clinked on the floor. But within two or three breaths, something glittered in his hand. I lifted my eyes from the magazine suspiciously just in time to see his weapon reappear in his hand. And to my surprise, another dark key blade glimmered in his left hand.

His cerulean eyes grew round at his new discovery. "Woah! Axel, did you _see _that? Awesome!" He sounded like he was going to burst with excitement.

"Wow, aren't you a regular Houdini," I droned, licking my thumb and turning another page. I guess he got fed up with my apathy, because I saw his shoulders slump in my peripheral vision and he summoned a portal to take his leave.

"Whaaatever," I sighed to myself, letting the annoying boy leave my mind as I began to read about Paris Whore-ton.

---

I didn't start to ease my hatred for Roxas until the first or second month that he'd been staying in the castle. I didn't even realize that I was starting to become nicer. It was just like a second nature kind of thing; every time I was around him, I was genuinely happy. I'd kick peoples' asses when they tried to bully him around, I'd bitch at Xemnas for sending him on ridiculous missions. We spent more and more time with each other as the days went by, spending hours on end just laughing or sitting together.

Everything seemed to be pretty cloud nine-ish for a while there. But of course, something had to fuck it all up. Roxas started becoming increasingly sad when we made some discovery as to why Xemnas needed him in the organization so badly. All that key blade and kingdom hearts crap reared its ugly head, springing countless questions and doubts into Roxas' mind.

I'd spend night after night in his room with him after that, most of the time just sitting together quietly and soaking up the pessimism. Other times, we'd have a deeper moment of friendship when I'd hold him in my arms and listen to his silent but obvious thoughts and the beautiful, sad sound of his tears.

_Friendship…_

That word rang through my head as the recollections stopped. I often wondered if I should be beaming because Roxas and I were such good friends, or cry because I knew that was all we could ever be?

I didn't even notice that he'd walked into my room until I saw the blue orbs of apathy blinking in front of my face. "Hey," he sighed, taking a seat next to me on the bed.

Things felt awkward between us now. Well, for me, anyways. Anytime we got close, my newly discovered feelings had a handy way of making me uncomfortable. He bowed his head, tuffs of blonde hair falling unnoticed across his face.

I hesitated before putting an arm around him. I took a moment to thank god that I was so tall; it would be harder for Roxas to see me blushing from our current angle. "What's up?" I asked quietly, my green eyes focusing on the new teardrop that was slipping down his face.

"Do you think that Sora kid is actually the good guy here? What if he had never lost his heart? …What if…I were never created. It all seems like it shouldn't be."

"Oh stop it," I growled, turning myself to face him directly. "You were put here for a reason, so don't question shit like that."

Roxas snickered coldly. "Yeah. In other words, I was put here to be used. A key. Just something you use to get you what you want, then throw away carelessly."

"So what if that's not the only reason you were put here for? What if that's not the reason at all?" I could feel the uninvited tears moistening my eyes. Roxas just didn't understand.

"Come off it, Axe! Xemnas will only keep me around until Kingdom Hearts is complete! How can I become a Somebody again if mine is still out there running around?" He stood from the bed and turned his back towards me, his shoulders shaking ever so slightly.

For the first time in God knows how long, his eyes were burning with emotion when he whipped around towards me again. He was exploding, ready for a rant.

"If that's not what I was put on this godforsaken earth for, than what is?"

_You were put here for me. _

"If I'm not just some key, than what am I?"

_You're the key to my heart._

"What's so great about this life that I'm suffering through?"

_We're suffering together. _

"Why should I even put up with this shit anymore?"

_Because I love you._

Before I knew it, he ripped open a portal and barreled through it, leaving me sitting like a moron. Why couldn't I ever say anything? How come I was so amazing at fucking things up, at remaining silent when it was the best moment to speak?

"This is bullshit," I mumbled to myself as I stood from my bed. "Since when am I ever…the _reserved _type? It seems like our personalities were switched for a minute."

I shook my head and tried to walk towards the door, but my balance faltered.

I was paralyzed to the spot; the only things moving were my eyes. In that moment, I felt trapped inside my own body, wondering what in the hell was going on. I suddenly saw the red carpeting of my room, blinking in confusion at the change of altitude. I didn't feel anything at all…I couldn't feel that I was lying on the ground, I just couldn't put together that I'd fallen at all and that my breathing had ceased. And when I slipped into the blackness, I was dreaming of confusion. Cause I just couldn't realize that I had blacked out.

---

"_Your mind's made up?" _

I closed my eyes tighter, that familiar voice echoing through my head. That was…my voice…?

"_Why did the key blade choose me? I have to know." _

I squirmed. That was Roxas. A picture slowly began to seep into my mind as unconsciousness still had me in its grasp. I was leaning against the side of a building with my arms crossed. At first I looked nonchalant, but in that instant, my stance was tense.

"_You can't turn on the Organization!" _

We were silent for a moment, his back still turned towards me. Why were we there? Why were we in that moment together? Why did I feel so…scared?

"_You get on their bad side and they'll destroy you!" _

I twitched again, hearing the acidy truth behind the words. Roxas…

"_No one would miss me." _

I saw myself standing there…just letting him walk away. Don't let him walk away, what the fuck's wrong with me!

"_That's not true," _

No, it's too late for that! Roxas isn't standing there anymore. Run, go after him!

"_I would." _

I saw my shoulders slump in defeat. That's not fair…this can't be happening. I was really giving up? Why did I let Roxas walk away like that? Wake up, wake up, wake the fuck **up**!

---

I shot up off of the floor, panting and scared. That was the most horrible nightmare I'd ever been trapped in. It was so hard to wake up from…I couldn't control my voice, I couldn't run…

I stumbled over to my mirror. My face was a ghostly white, my eyes were wide and panicked. "I've got to find Roxas," I whispered to myself, the fear from my dream still pumping adrenaline through my body.

"God, it was all just so real."

I hastily summoned a portal and began jogging through it, though I was still reasonably dizzy from my fainting spell. I didn't even think twice about why it had happened; I'd always experienced it in my somebody days. Panic attack. Dramatic stress. Blah blah blah.

I shook my head to get the memories out. Kicking my speed up another notch in a desperate attempt to reach my destination, I finally saw the opening at the other end of the corridor of darkness.

I flew through the portal and nearly hit the ground running. My feet froze to the spot when I realized that his room was empty. Where the fuck could he be at? Where could he be when I needed him most…

I suddenly felt completely lost, utterly useless and terrified. I ran out of his room and down the hallway, looking for anyone (so of course no one was there). The time blurred by, along with the events performed in it. I asked a few people, but no one seemed to know where Roxas was. Zexion finally informed me that he'd seen him leave the castle, but who knows where he could be by now.

I made my way into the stormy city, the empty streets and blinking neon signs suddenly striking me with nostalgia. A rumble of thunder spoke up, as if to sympathize with me. I must've looked absolutely pathetic, running around in a storm all by myself, acting like a schizophrenic.

I jogged around hopelessly for an hour in the pouring rain, checking every corner and shadow that I came across. "Roxas," I mumbled sadly, wondering if the water on my face was actually rain at all or if it was my continuous tears.

By now I wasn't even running anymore; no, I would refer to it as pitiful staggering. I was never one for rain in the first place, let alone being weighed down by so much fear and depression. It was hard to move at all.

I blinked the water out of my eyes just in time to see a figure lurking out of an ally way and walking down the street in the same direction I was headed. Ignoring every aching muscle and every doubt my mind was screaming, I picked myself up and darted towards the figure.

"Roxas!" I called, though my voice just sounded like a strained sob. He turned around, waiting for me to approach. I stumbled when I finally reached him, noticing the rosy color of his cheeks and the puffiness of his eyes. "Roxas…You were gonna leave and you weren't even gonna tell me? _Me_? I thought we were…" I trailed off, wondering if we were even best friends any more.

He shifted his eyes to the ground like he always did when he didn't want to talk about something. "Why did the key blade choose me? I have to know."

My eyes widened. No. No! I was _not _letting this nightmare come true, I would die before I ever let him walk away from me again. He turned around to make his leave, and I urged my body to move with him. I tried to get my vocal cords to work, tried so damn hard to get my legs to move. I tried _so hard _not to let Roxas fade into the distance.

But as I saw him leave my side, everything crumbled and my world came crashing down. "Stop!" I finally ordered, though I didn't look like one to make demands when I was slouched all the way to the ground.

Roxas looked back when he heard my voice above the pouring rain and the roaring thunder. I guess he still had some shred of tolerance for me, cause he did start to walk away again.

"Just stop! Look at what you've done to me! Here I am in the middle of a storm, in the middle of some fucking city, chasing after _you_. You! The little annoying brat that wouldn't shut up when he discovered his weapon, the kid who suddenly became the most important thing to the Organization."

His eyes widened and he looked hurt. Still, he decided not to leave. Or maybe he couldn't leave if he wanted to, maybe my words had him frozen to the spot like he did all too often to me.

"Do you see it? What you've done? When have I ever been one to care what other people do? Have I ever been the kind of person to cry? Just look at my face! Look at me crumbled here on the ground, all because of you!"

I could see him choke out a sob, tears parading down his face. He lowered his head, his hair covering his eyes in that convenient way so that I couldn't see his face anymore.

It took everything I had left, but I managed to stand up and stumble over to him. "Look at you, and look at me. Here you are, running away. And I'm actually coming after you. What does that say? What does this all mean?" I shoved him backwards, sending him to the ground.

Towering over him, I looked straight into the sad, scared blue eyes that I thought I might never see again. "I _love_ you, Roxas! It nearly killed me to see you cry, to ever see a frown on your face. Just imagine how I felt when I heard that you left? Do you hate me so much that you just _had _to leave? You just had to make me suffer?"

"No!" he protested, interrupting my rampage of sorrow and rage. "Never, Axel! I didn't know that I was hurting you. I thought that…maybe if I left, you wouldn't have to deal with me anymore. You wouldn't have to put up with my crying, or listen to me complain, or have me as a burden."

I balled up my fists to stop myself from smacking him. "How could you ever think that? You…you mean the world to me, Rox."

After standing up, he went into full-on crying mode and crushed me in a desperate hug. I embraced him with relief. It was the saddest that I'd ever been in my entire life, but, in a way, it was also the happiest. Pulling away, I tilted his head up and locked my lips with his. I didn't care if he liked me that much or not, we were gonna kiss and he was gonna deal with it.

He stopped just long enough to mumbled words that made me smile through my tears. "I love you, Axel." And that's when I knew that everything was going to be okay.

"I love you too," I declared back, happy that we were finally together. And as we kissed beneath the storm and through the chilling rain and tears, I was grateful that, for once, my nightmares stopped coming true.

--End--


End file.
